God, I forget so easily and quickly my deeper, truer self. Somehow something as simple as a breath prayer keeps me remembering this most essential point or meaning of my existence. It seems that this is what you desire of me, God; that I know and ever more deeply know that you are with me and I am with you always. Everywhere. (This certainly seems to be the purpose of contemplative prayer. From it comes potential for instant transformation here and now. Any insights or messages that may come from such prayer—the simpler the better—are often an affront to my ego, which resents having to acknowledge my need to “dumb down”—typical egoic condescending language). The very fact that this message; with you is simple and that it doesn’t somehow feed my ego gives to me pause to believe that it is soul-sourced, legitimized, true and worthy. World call me crazy but I believe that the very simplicity and novelty of it is proof that it comes straight from you, God.
We humans don’t have to wander aimlessly through the mystery of you. We don’t have to wonder in order for your simple truths to be effectual in our lives either. We, in trust, can just know this “with you” insight to be true. In so far as we do, it can be our stake in the ground, our ground of being, our mooring throughout this and each day. In other words, existentially, it can be all that matters…the sum total of all our journeying (be it physical or spiritual)—because it is the very path itself. It is one expression of the totality of our being. In comparison, nothing else matters.
Have you somehow hidden this truth from me until now? No. Never. Have I had difficulty seeing it…and remembering it? Yes. Always! Today I feel you saying that trusting in your words ”with you,” as core to human self-understanding, is all that truly matters. All else—all other “matters”, especially the ones that seem paramount in my thinking, simply pale in comparison and ultimately fade into nothingness. Nothingness! All the things I consider so vital and crucial…in light of with you…all of them seem to be so completely ego-centric…the “weight and sin that clings so closely” that St. Paul urges us to lay aside (Hebrews 12:1 NRSV).
This means with you is ultimately freeing!!! Through these two words I can see that it is my ego…and only my ego…that is keeping me from sharing what I experience to be incredible insights that you give to me/to each of us in these meditative moments. Or to put it another way, focusing all that I am on with you instantly frees and transforms me into an alternative way of being and living. “What can and will change when I ground my being (my Life) in this one single truth?” This question is so radical and the answer so expansive that, once again, I can get only glimpses of answers.
What can I do to make a difference in this self-destructing world, I ask myself. With you is one expression of the answer, isn’t it God? If I will just live this I can give up my fear and anxiety about what others think of me. If I will just do this, I can live with greater honestly and integrity. If I will just do this, I can live altruistically and with great love for all.
Do I have the spiritual courage to share these, today’s insights? They are so fresh and real, so invigorating, orienting and empowering, so utterly different from most of my (and the world’s) thinking. My ego, as usual, is speaking from both sides of its mouth saying, “Yes, Jer, put it out there. They will love you!” and at the same time, “Absolutely not, Jer! You couldn’t possibly have anything worth saying to the world!”
But there is an alternative voice…the voice of my soul (which is where you reside, God) which is speaking a very different message. It is saying, “Yes, Jer…you do have something to say to the world (as each person does)—a version of truth so personal that only you can say it—and yet so universal that absolutely everyone who wishes to do so will be able to relate to and understand it.”
“What is the difference I can make…and make now?” each of us ponders from time to time. I hear you answering that question for me today God, with...“Just share what I share with you that makes all the difference in your world.” So ironically, you’re saying that the “difference” I can make is in helping others see how we are all alike when it comes to you…that each of us in our own way, longs to understand and experience the invigoration, the clarity and the empowerment of what you mean by with you.
And that’s your deepest desire, too
“And remember, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” (Jesus’ words in Matthew 28:20 NRSV)
