Unfortunately, when we find ourselves confronted by our shame, it’s not that easy.
We all feel shame. Sometimes it’s minimal. Sometimes it’s massive. Shame may be grounded in a single tragic occurrence or in the accumulation of many small experiences, actions, feelings, or thoughts. It doesn’t matter where it comes from...shame is shame is shame.
Like our shadow, it sticks to us. We can’t just say to our shame, “Go away!” We can’t run from it. Can’t ignore it. Can’t deny it. Meanwhile, it wreaks havoc upon our well-being, gnawing away at our joy, our energy, and our love of life.
So what can we do with our shame?
Rather than running from it, we can face it. Rather than denying its existence, we can actually engage it in a constructive internal dialogue. Most importantly, we can have compassion for it. (This is probably the last thing our shame expects of us!) Because our shame sticks so closely to us, when we show compassion toward it, we show compassion toward ourselves. When we soften our judgment against it, we soften our judgment against ourselves...and deep, lasting healing can begin.
What might such compassion look like?
In a word: Forgiveness. When Jesus’ disciple and friend Peter asked, “…how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?" Jesus replied, "Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times,” (Matthew18: 21-22 NRSV) In other words, don't bother keeping track.
Jesus wasn't just talking about the healing power of forgiveness in our relationships with those around us. He was also talking about the healing and transformation that forgiving ourselves can bring.
Forgiveness has the power to remove the venom of shame from our lives. It is a concrete way of showing compassion to ourselves and, unlike all the other ways we’ve tried to deal with our shame...
...this one actually works!
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